Holding On

I have a very complex situation that you will uncover bit by bit, but one thing that I hate being told the most is "just hold on" I am very sorry to say but what do you hold onto when there is nothing left? Okay yes I do admit that I have my strong Christian faith but seriously you think that's enough I'm still an adolescent and guess what I need my parents and there not there so the closest thing to them is my friends I cling to them and look up to them, and when I lose them holding on is not an option. I fall, I break and slowly I begin to feel nothing I never lose myself completely but I come very close and when I do I just give up and begin to live life like my parents. I start to follow my parents standards and begin losing myself. I can't change now because if I do I'll never figure out who I am. How can I hold on to nothingness. I get told everyday that I have people who care about me and are actively in my lives and I get that but sometimes you need that little push from someone who can say "I love you because you are my daughter I am here for you whenever and wherever you need me and never be afraid to come to me about anything" I need someone who I can fully trust and know that even if they do say that I can fully trust them to not tell all their or go public with the information. I need that little push not to hold on to nothingness.